Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
