please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
