it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She even gives head with a lisp.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
