So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
