Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
