So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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