Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
