he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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