As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
