Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
