My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
