She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
