Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
