U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
