Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Say something about gay babies.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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