No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
