Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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