Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
