Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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