I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
