he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
