I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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