just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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