so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
