between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
