I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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