He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
