So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
