maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
