You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
