I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
