i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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