I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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