Already got asked if we're dating
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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