the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
