I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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