So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
