i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
