Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
