break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
