hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
