Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
