i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
