as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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