i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
