Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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