I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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