I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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