I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
