That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
