Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We were destined to go to rehab together
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
