oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
