If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
